Earlier today, due to my reading of A Blue Hand: The Beats in India, Deborah Baker, I began wondering what it might be like if the Beats had super powers. As one does when one is bored at work on a Tuesday afternoon.
Beatman Beatman, costumed in the requisite turtleneck, beret, and sandals, chafes against postwar conformity. He urges 9-to-5ers to quit their soul-numbing jobs and engage in artistic expression. Beatman can often be found crashing suburban barbecues and breaking up rotary club meetings.
The (ab)Original Wild Child Wild Child is a pre-Columbian spirit of the land. She defends nature against the expanding interstate highway system and tract housing. Wild Child is accompanied by Janice, a mute Beat who expresses herself solely through the medium of interpretive dance.
The HOWLer Unshaven, and clad only in his underwear, the HOWLer speaks out against censorship everywhere. His Bongos of Hallucinatory Transcendence cause fits in his enemies. Often teams up with Beatman.
Bodhisattva & Kid Karma Disturbed by the emergence of the Atomic Age and the possibility of global destruction, Bodhisattva turned to Buddhism and preaches the path of peace. Bodhisattva rarely ceases meditating. Flight is his main mode of locomotion; he hovers several feet above the ground in the lotus position. Bodhisattva stuns his enemies by reciting koans. Kid Karma, Bodhisattva’s ward, keeps sacred scraps of Yeti hair that emit rays with which he blasts his opponents.
The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit Nameless, faceless, The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit is a doppelganger who steals his victim’s identities in order to ensure that they and their loved ones remain mired in the mundane.
The Company Men A team of slick baddies bent on extending corporate capitalism around the globe. They communicate telepathically and are fueled by liquor. Often in cahoots with The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit.
Ms. Hollywood A blond sex kitten who seduces men, encouraging them to stray from their wives. Hollywood is extremely persuasive; she mesmerizes her victims with eye contact.
Sgt. Scuttlebutt Sgt. Scuttlebutt is an anti-communist crusader in league with the FBI, the CIA, and the John Birch Society. The sergeant
believes knows that war is the only truly human activity, and the only thing that can purge the world of godless communism. Can be distracted by long hair.